my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
