to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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