Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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