If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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