I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
