you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
