the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
