I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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