Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
