if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
