I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
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he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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