Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
