I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
