I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
