And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
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Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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