Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
