When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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