You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
