Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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