i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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