I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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