woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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