i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
