I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
