I puked a lego.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
