I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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