I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
