it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
