I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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