If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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