It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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