okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
