Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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