First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Even my vagina gasped.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
