Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
