It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
