if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize