she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
its liver damage thursday
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
