Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
