Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
3pm strippers are depressing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
