So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
