She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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