i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
