Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
