i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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