I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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