In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
