That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
