I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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