Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
