And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
