dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize