closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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