when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
