is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Pants are for mortals
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
