Define "chronic" masturbator.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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