this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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