Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
