He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize