Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Your cock deserves a montage
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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