don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
