There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
