I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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