I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
