a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
